Back again

Ok,

Since I first wrote, I went up to 284 pounds. I am now down to 264 pounds. I'm seeing a nutritionist and I know that if I exercise I could lose a lot of weight and pretty quickly (at least for a while) since I lost that twenty pounds in about two months.

I'm just lazy and trying to figure out what to do, when.

I want to have a baby and I know in order for me to be healthy and have a baby I need to lose weight. I worry about losing weight and then getting pregnant before I've lost the amount of weight I need, because then I'll probably just put it back on (although my nutritionist promises me that I do not have to gain weight during my pregnancy if I can follow what he tells me to do).

And here I am talking about a future pregnancy, when I've been trying to get pregnant for a year now and no such luck, so I don't even know if I can get pregnant!

I've started using one of the ovulation kits to see if I am actually ovulating and then the doctor has recommended I do some procedure to check a couple of other things out... personally I just want to have sex and get knocked up. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?

Anyways, according to the ovulation kit thingy I have little chance of conceiving today, so I'm just going to practice :-)

And I hope to get back into the writing thing a lot more.

I went to New York for my anniversary, it was amazing. I'll write about it sometime.

If anyone is out there, let me know...

Days gone by

So today I did half hour on the treadmill, tricep dips, situps and some weird leg kickout things, recommended by my ex trainer.
Cooking dinner now. Grilled chicken, rice and vegs.
Over the past couple of days I've jumped on the treadmill a couple times. But I have finals this week, so it's been difficult. I'm going to try to blog everyday (Thanks!)
I found some old pics of myself and seriously, I was hot effin stuff! Seriously. I've always been a thick girl, but I was gorgeous. I'm still ok, but I want to look like that again.
My goal is 180 pounds. I know that I'll still be a big girl, but I'll be back to me. At that weight I could really play ball, softball, basketball, volleyball. I want to do that again.
I want to go to a party and be able to sit on plastic chairs! LOL! How fucking sad is that? I don't go to BBQ's because I don't want to sit on the fucking plastic chairs.

Jumping on my treadmill

So I did an hour on my treadmill today. Almost three miles. My legs are tingling. Had an egg and two slices whole wheat toast for breakfast. A tuna wrap for lunch. Cherry tomatoes and almonds for one snack. A cheese and cracker for the other. Came home and had a granola bar before I went on the treadmill. Haven't had dinner yet got home late and went straight to the treadmill. I hate working.

Some people think that maybe I'm trying to do too much at one time... New marriage, full time school (online), training at work to move into management, trying to lose weight, saving to buy our first home...

LMAO! Doesn't sound like too much to me! What do you think?

I also have my period. TMI? Well sorry. But I'm bloated, miserable and emotional. I cried for over an hour this morning, because (again, this might be TMI) but I messed up my sheets.

Sometimes, things get a little overwhelming... but I know that I need to do it. I'm going to do a quiz for one of my classes, while my hubster cooks dinner. :-) He's a good dude, a huge help. Remind me of that when I start bitching about him next time he gets on my nerves.

ammmmmmmmmm

Well,

I didn't do shit today. I ate shit, but didn't do shit.

Seriously though, don't give up on me just yet. I had far too much effin homework to focus on doing anything else. I'm tired. I'm taking classes online, towards my bachelors degree. And it is hard!

Lawd, I have very few regrets in my life. I don't regret the two hellish long term relationships I was in, because they make me appreciate the wonderful husband I have now. I don't regret ... well I don't regret the majority of the shit that I have done, but I do regret not going to college. My life... well actually, what life? I don't have any time for myself, but I need to stop complaining and get back to working hard and working out.

So today I ate... a bowl of cornpops, 4 ice cream sandwiches (not all at the same time), a plate of salt beef and beans and white rice (I'm Caribbean remember) and 5 pot stickers and some garlic bread.

I didn't do any exercise, but like I said it's because I was toooooo busy (yep, that's what my big head was telling my fat ass all day).

Anyways, lets see what happens tomorrow...

From you a big heavy gul...

Well...

I'm officially way too big. According to who, you ask? Well, according to me!

I'm 272.2 pounds, and just about 5'5". Truth is, I don't look that heavy. I've been to the doctor for help to loose weight and they've told me "well you're not that overweight", then they look at their file and my actual weight and I've had one doctor say "wow. I didn't imagine you were that heavy".

Here's my plan... I'm hoping to get some people reading my blog and talking (well writing) me through it. It might be a little graphic (I curse and I have a tendency to talk about my ummmmm personal life).

I don't really care what people think, I'm really disappointed in myself. I don't care if anyone else thinks, I'm too big. I only care that I think I'm too big.

I realise I've crossed my comfort zone... I don't want to go anywhere because I don't feel comfortable in my clothes. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm still me... I'm still a beautiful person (inside and out), but I'm not as me as I want to be.

I hope I can get some people reading and commenting. Ask me some questions, give me some advice. I'm starting my exercise and "diet" tomorrow, and I'll be documenting my progress, with details, language and hopefully a little humour.